Slyck News - Music Industry: Small Furry Animals Biggest Threat : Forrest creatures. Yes, forest creatures are now the number one threat to the music industry. Chipmunks, squirrels, raccoons, bunnies, field mice and opossums. Each one is using its own unique talents to disrupt the music industry and cause the collapse of an American and indeed global institution. In an evidential shift in piracy techniques, physical piracy is now a greater threat than P2P. Music industry intelligence has identified the following creatures as the main culprits in the physical CD trade:

Raccoons: Responsible for raiding and pillaging music stores for original data.

Bunnies: "Mules" of the underground. Their quickness is utilized for distribution to burning plants.

Squirrels: Use their opposable thumbs to operate heavy machinery such as CD/DVD burners and Nero Burning Rom.

Field Mice: Security. Who isn't spooked by a scurrying mouse?

Opossums: Financial backers. Don't ask.

It gets worse.

Peter Rabbit got a 60Gb USB portable disk drive for Easter. He's got his whole music collection on it and has been walking round all his friends and relations dumping his music and sucking up their's. And there's rather a lot of P. (diddy) R@661t's friends and relations, what with all the cousins and all.

Flopsy Bunny prefers to carry round a couple of DVDs of hers. But she's such a party animal. She always takes over the music at the hop and starts playing endless Goa Trance. It must be something to do with the cabbage hearts and banana skins, which is all she will eat.

Quick, quick! Hide all the children! Mr MacGregor's coming! Don't let him turn you into rabbit pie (or demand money with menaces).

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[ 16-Aug-05 8:24am ] [ , ]